Listening involves more than just hearing. In this post, our focus is on understanding comprehensive listening: listening in the broadest and most powerful sense. \u00a0This concept expanding listening from one of simply hearing another, to one of receiving information from another in the broadest and more informing and enabling sense. In an earlier blog post on \u201cDeep Listening<\/a>\u201d colleague, David Markwardt talked about listening in the context of a leadership skill and suggested that if readers approached listening with the idea of listening for issues that are important to the speaker and not jumping too quickly into solving the speaker\u2019s problem for them.\u201d David\u2019s focus on developing the \u201clistening muscles\u201d will certainly apply to the larger sense of listening that this article focuses on \u2013 understanding listening as an activity that is far broader than solely a function one\u2019s ears.<\/p>\n In an earlier post, I mentioned Dr. Steven Covey and reviewed some of the \u201chabits of highly effective people\u201d in the context of effective communication.\u00a0 Specifically, I mentioned the notion of\u00a0seeking first to understand the other<\/a>. If we can effectively and deeply understand the other, we will be far more effective in meeting our own needs by avoiding the potential barriers created when we inadvertently fail to understand how our needs can be dovetailed with another\u2019s.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s look at some of the components of \u201ccomprehensive Listening.\u201d Among the key components of comprehensive listening we will discuss here are listening for the speaker\u2019s:<\/p>\n Let\u2019s now look at a brief overview of these skills \u2026<\/p>\n Perhaps the most seemingly obvious listening component is\u00a0listening to the verbal content <\/em><\/strong>of the speaker\u2019s communication. What is she telling me?\u00a0 While listening for the message conveyed in the words seems obvious, in fact, it can be the most challenging aspect of communication.\u00a0 Take, for example, the huge difference in meaning between \u201cYeah right!\u201d when spoken with a smile and excitement versus the same phase spoken with sarcasm and rolled eyes \u2013 two completely opposite meanings. While this is perhaps an over-simplified example, challenges to listening to the verbal content of the speaker come in much more subtle forms. For example, in today\u2019s modern e-mail-driven environment, we are left with\u00a0only<\/em> the unembellished words. We are left to fill the basic tenor and underlying intention of them on our own.\u00a0 It is established that we interpret raw information congruent with our own state of mind.\u00a0 Thus, we can read the same words and impute completely different intentions on the part of the speaker depending on our own mood. Since studies consistently show that, as a part of the total\u00a0potential<\/em>communication, the purely verbal, or word-based part of our communications with others typically comprise only around seven percent of our total communication, when weighted together with the paralinqual \u2013 that is the expression we place on our words \u2013 and the non-verbal components of communication. E-mail has its place in documenting communications, and conveying simple contents.\u00a0 However, you may want to ask yourself before your next important and complex communication, \u201cis e-mail the way that I want to communicate?<\/p>\n When\u00a0we listen for emotional content of communication<\/em><\/strong> what we observe may be obvious. It could be as obvious as\u00a0the earlier example of the person saying, \u201cyeah right!\u201d when their rolled eyes and sarcastic expression indicate precisely the opposite meaning. Likewise, a\u00a0shouted\u00a0\u201cNo!\u201d<\/em> may be pretty clear in terms of meaning in most contexts. But, often more subtle incongruencies may be imbedded in the communication. \u00a0Body language that suggests discomfort, even when the speaker is saying \u201cyes\u201d is a good example. Be alert to the non-verbal signs of emotion that are not in line with the verbal or written message.\u00a0 It may be changes in the pace of the speaker’s delivery, \u00a0or changes in voice tone, a shaky voice, or some signs, obvious or subtle, of discomfort in the speaker. \u00a0A long pause before a response may indicate that the person is sifting through emotions to find words. Not jumping in to fill the silence will afford the person time to feel their way through to a response.<\/p>\n Being alert to non-verbal communication and watching the speaker\u2019s body language<\/em><\/strong> will provide invaluable information for deeply understanding them and ultimately connecting with them. Is the person facing you and making comfortable eye contact? Is their speech quickened while their shoulders are raised and tight? In another posting, we will discuss additional specific body language issues and tools to use body language to help build rapport. For now, what we are focusing on is \u201clistening\u201d for these signals so that we can learn from the non-verbal message we are \u201chearing.\u201d<\/p>\n Listening to the way the speaker laces words together and her metaphor choice<\/em><\/strong> will provide powerful insights into opportunities to bridge different approaches to communication and to eliminate distracting differences in the approach to conversation.\u00a0 For example, if the person repeatedly likens the issue they are talking about to a \u201cbattle between \u2026\u201d and consistently uses martial metaphors, such as \u201cwinning the battle but losing the war\u2026\u201d and other similar metaphor choices, that word choice can inform the listener about the emotional position of the person, and what metaphors you may want to choose to connect with them.\u00a0 How the person \u201cframes\u201d their concerns and perspectives yields an incredible amount of information and can help you plan your own communication.<\/p>\n Listen for clues in word choice for visual, auditory, or kinesthetic preferences. <\/em><\/strong>Individual communication style actually runs deep into the speaker\u2019s subconscious. Whether the person shows a preference for visual word choices, such as \u201cI can\u00a0see<\/em> the day when;\u201d auditory choice, like \u201cThat idea really\u00a0clicks<\/em> for me;\u201d or kinesthetic (feelings and emotions) such as \u201cI just don\u2019t\u00a0feel <\/em>right about \u2026\u201d provides amazingly valuable information for you when the time comes to connect with the person when\u00a0you<\/em> speak. Don\u2019t forget about the\u00a0subconscious decision making styles<\/a> just discussed in our last post.<\/p>\n Finally, stay alert to any signs that become apparent in your listening process that reveal any underlying trust or rapport issues. These may be as simple as obvious differences, such as gender, race, ethnicity, language, or other issues.\u00a0 Or, they may be far subtler, such as subtle incongruence in communication pace, style, metaphor, and other features.<\/p>\n I hope you will see as the discussion progresses, that all of the tools and approaches we discuss in this series will tie together to provide a comprehensive series of tools to help you sharpen your ability to be a likeable, trusted, effective listener and a persuasive speaker.<\/p>\n BJM\u00a0 11\/11\/11\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Twelve Tips for Communication Tip Four: Listen Comprehensively \u2013 the Many Levels of Listening Listening involves more than just hearing. In this post, our focus is on understanding comprehensive listening: listening in the broadest and most powerful sense. \u00a0This concept expanding listening from one of simply hearing another, to one of receiving information from another…<\/span><\/p>\n\n